It's a boy!!!!

Yes it's a boy! And we're so excited to see him in less than four months!! More to come later but for now...I'm just enjoying feeling our little guy moving around :) What an amazing experience! I can't wait to be a mommy!

A letter to me

I love November! I love the feeling of fall and the constant reminders to be grateful for all of my blessings! Today as I was coming home from work, Brad Paisley's song "A Letter to Me" came on the radio and I couldn't help but think of where I'm at in my life and all of the advice I wish I could have given to myself when I was in high school. If I could write a letter to me, it would go something like this...

Dear Me,

I want to start by saying I know what you're going through and I want you to know that it won't last forever, despite what you may think. You have wonderful parents, friends, and the blessings of the gospel to help you through your hard times. The hurt you're feeling will slowly fade, and it will be replaced by knowledge, compassion, and a greater appreciation of the Atonement. Life won't always be easy, but you're learning how to get through the hard times

and how to better recongize the precious moments life gives us. Forgiveness won't come easy; give yourself time and you'll know when you're ready.

In the meantime I want you to know you have so much to look forward to! Don't be in a rush to get married, enjoy college and roommates and when the time is right you'll know. You're husband will be more amazing than you ever hoped. He'll make you feel special and beautiful and safe. And when the time is right you two will be blessed with a beautiful baby. Until then, make the most of the time you have just the two of you. You'll create memories together and you'll learn to love and appreciate each other even more.

Here are a few more tidbits of advice...don't spend so much money on clothes, save more (trust me it'll come in handy). It's never worth the extra few points on a project to stay up all night working on it, try not procrastinating instead. Don't sweat the little stuff. Learn to go with the flow. Make the most of your job; the children you will work with are so precious and you have so much to learn from them! Remember, grandparents don't live forever; take advantage of your time with them. Ask lots of questions and remember the sweet things they do for you.

Embrace who you are and remember that your hurt won't last forever. You have a beautiful life to look forward to and a past that will help you become a better and stronger person.

With love,

Me

A long time coming...

Well we finally made it to the doctor for our ultrasound. Our original appointment was about a month ago but we kept having to push it back because of harvest. I was so nervous...I'm not sure why I just was. But when we went into the room for the ultrasound and we saw our baby for the first time I couldn't hold back the tears. It was so incredible! I was amazed at how much we could see, the little arms and legs and a beautiful profile. Our baby looks absolutely perfect :) The tech even commented on how amazing it looked and asked if she could keep a couple to send in for some study at the hospital (I didn't understand most of what she said) but she said our baby was in the perfect position for what they needed. Isn't our baby beautiful!

It was such a wonderful, special experience and I'm so grateful to have an amazing husband to share it with. This journey started almost a year ago when he looked at me and said that he wanted to start trying for a baby. I had been hoping for a while that that was coming but I often tend to rush into things so I was waiting for a confirmation that he felt the same way. We were so sure that we would get pregnant right away and every month that it didn't happen got harder and harder. I started to think that maybe we were meant to adopt, that there were babies brought into the world that were meant to come to our home. I knew if that were the case I wouldn't have loved them any less but it broke my heart thinking about missing the special moments that come with pregnancy.

After so much fasting and prayer, countless blessings and tears, I knew that I needed some kind of answer. So when we went through the temple with Morgan's cousin and her husband, I kept my prayers in my mind and asked Morgan to do the same. After the session I asked him what he felt and we came to the realization that neither of us really felt anything in regards to our questions. I'll admit that I felt so frustrated and defeated. I was sure that the temple would hold our answer. On our way home we stopped to get some groceries and Morgan added a pregnancy test to the pile, (even though I asked him not to). The next morning, I felt inclined to take it. I was sure that the answer would be another let-down but sure enough I saw, very faintly, that second line. I was so excited I couldn't breathe and when I told Morgan I couldn't stop crying!

Since that day, I've still felt like sometimes it's just a dream. And while the nausea isn't fun and I'm not used to being so tired, those things along with my growing belly are beautiful reminders of the special gift that's coming to our home. It's amazing how much we love our baby already!

Yup :)

Ok I know what you're thinking and no I'm not posting a picture of me being chubby :) That's my 11-week baby bump! And we couldn't be more thrilled! It's been a long and emotional journey but the wait has made it that much more wonderful! I can't believe how blessed I am to be able to carry this baby and we're so excited for the adventures ahead!

Here's a couple of our baby pictures...I think ours will be pretty darn cute :)

Oh boy...here it goes!

Wow I haven't been on here in so long! Not because I haven't had the internet or because I haven't had the time...I'm just lazy. Once I've waited too long I just get so overwhelmed by everything I have to write about that I put it off even longer! Can you say procrastination? Oh, well.

So we have had quite a few changes around our home, the first being that our home is in a new spot! We loved the little house we were in, especially because it was our own space with a fun yard but after multiple floods and a musky smell we couldn't get rid of, we started keeping our eyes out for a new place. We saw things once in a while but the biggest problem was our little Ellie wasn't invited :( and giving her up wasn't even an option! I mean how can you abandon this face??

I know this picture doesn't have anything to do with anything...I just think it's super cute :)

Then one day Wayne, (Morgan's uncle who also set us up...we still owe him), told a guy in Osgood that we were looking for a place which was great because he was looking for someone to live in the basement apartment of his grandparents huge house that he remodeled! (Sorry about the run-on sentence.) It actually turned out to be cheaper than where we were living because utilities are included. Morgan was super happy about that because it meant that I could stop being a electricity nazi to try and save money lol anyway we've been here for several months and we love it! It has a good spot for Bailey in the yard and Ellie loves running up and down the stairs in the entry way. Anyway we're hoping we'll stay put here for a while until we find something a little more permanent :)

Ok so I'm not a crafty person and I don't pretend to be but I decided to be daring. We found a coffee table at a garage sale for 20 bucks and it's been fine but I was getting tired of the plain oak color, escpecially with how pretty all our cabinets and cupboards look!

So I bought a dark gel stain, which was amazing because it went on easy and you don't have to sand a thing! Needless to say I'm pretty proud of myself :)

As for our last bit of good news...well you'll just have to wait for my next post! :)

I'm feeling...

Hot. Sweaty. Contemplatvie. Energized. Frustrated. Confused. Hopeful. Accomplished. Relaxed. Comfortable. Tired. Loved. Happy. At a loss. Optimistic. Stretched too thin. Overwhelmed. Confident. At peace. Blessed. In love.

(no wonder I have mood swings!)

An always dreaded topic

Ok people...weight. I hate talking about it, I hate thinking about it, and I hate seeing it on a scale. Now before you go all intervention on me, I know I'm not obese. My blood pressure is good, no clue what my cholesterol is but I'm guessing not borderline heart attack or anything, and honestly the number I see on the scale really isn't that bad, especially compared to what it used to be. Growing up I was a twig...I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain a pound. But being the silly girl I was, I thought I was huge. I was self-concious and always compared myself to other girls. Looking back I kick myself for not appreciating how great it was not to have to exercise or watch what I ate and still be skinny. Then in high school I got up to 180 pounds...yup I'll admit it only because it's much better now :) I never thought I was really big, I honestly didn't really think about it at all.

First day of my Senior Year, 2006

I wore whatever clothes I wanted without even thinking "this would look better on someone skinnier". I might even go so far as to say I was more confident then just because I didn't think that I needed to lose weight, I thought I looked fine the way I was. I did have a few concerns about the "freshman 15" and all that because *duh* no one wants to gain weight right when they start college, when dating is for real and you're not going to class with boys anymore. I lucked out and actually lost weight my first year.

Then I started having problems with my feet (again...long story short, lots of surgeries and lots of time on crutches). My doctor put me on a steriod because he thought it was maybe rheumatoid arthritis. Never again will I go on that stuff. I felt terrible, I gained a weight, and my face was annoyingly chubby.

During college, 2008 (?)

Eventually I lost the weight and by the time Morgan and I were getting married I had plateaued at 150, which is where I'm at now.

Before: High school graduation, 2007

After: April 2011

Before: Senior Pictures, 2007

After: Hawaii November 2010

I feel better and I think I look better, but let's be honest, we always feel like we could lose a little bit more. I'm not so much focusing on the number of pounds I want to lose because that doesn't necessarily give a realistic idea of health with the whole "muscle weighs more than fat" stuff. I just want to lose some of my love handles and I want more tone to my arms and legs. I will say that I can portion control really well. I've learned to listen to my body and to stop before I'm stuffed. I drink lots of water and my job is pretty active but when it comes to real exercising I struggle! I love going for walks but those won't really help me get in better shape. I am going to start doing zumba and I want to throw some jogging in with my walks. But if anyone has any ideas or tips that help them I'm all ears! Happy exercising :)