So blessed...

I haven't been on here for a while and I have no problem saying it's because I've had a bit of a bad attitude lately. Stressed about work, money concerns, sleep-deprived, the list goes on and on. I will also say that I absolutely realize that I really have no reason to complain and that's why I decided to write today. I don't have little ones keeping me up at all hours of the night, my job isn't loaded with dead-lines and life-altering appointments, and we aren't living with our parents or living off of government help, so really life isn't that bad. But even knowing that, I still allow myself to complain. Why? Because I haven't made the effort to find the good in everything that surrounds me. I'm going to again use the "problems" I listed.

First of all...my job. It brings such great joy to my life! Some days I leave frustrated but most days I go home with such a joy in my heart that I can't begin to describe it to anyone but the people who've worked in similar situations. I am surrounded every day by children who were so special to their Father in Heaven, who had such pure, beautiful spirits, that they didn't need to come to this earth to prove themselves to anyone. Instead they were given the challenge of living with a body and/or mind that they struggle to control. And every once in a while, I am able to catch a glimpse of what our Heavenly Father sees in these little angels. That in and of itself is a huge blessing to me and something I won't want to give up any time soon.

Moving on to my second stress...money. We are not broke by any means but there are things I miss, shopping being at the top of the list. I hate the feeling of living paycheck to paycheck and I hate hate hate owing money to anybody. But I will say that these last few months have been huge testimony builders to me of faith and tithing. We haven't found a wad of money in an envelope in our mailbox, our bills haven't magically disappeared. Money is still tight and the bills are still coming, but somehow, every month, we make it through when logically, there is no possible way we should have been able to.

My third emotional trigger is something very personal between Morgan and myself but I will say that it has tried my faith in more ways than one. Anyone who knows me knows I am impatient and Morgan knows that he tried that patience multiple times when we were dating and he wanted to take things slow. Now I'm realizing that this thing that I want more than anything is turning out to be another patience-builder. Some days I worry I'm being punished for past mistakes, other days I worry that it's because I'm not worthy of what I'm asking for. And then sometimes I feel that maybe this is going to be one of my life struggles, something that was meant for me, to help me learn and grow. If that's the case, I will not hesitate to accept it as part of my life, but I will not lie and say that I won't be devastated. Now, more than ever, I need to rely on the Lord and His plan for me and my husband, and trust with all my heart that everything will work out the way it's supposed to. One day at a time...